Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Fit

Do I fit in?
Where?
This I've never known
Maybe I fit in there?
Feels awkward.
I’ll try to fit in that way
Doesn’t feel right
I tried to fit in the other way
Felt bad too.
I know
I’ll stand right here
Maybe everything else 
Will fit in 
Around me
Feels better.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Between Us


There is something
Between us
I see myself in your eyes
Do you see yourself in mine?
There is something
Between us
Neither of us
Wants to dive in
It’s safer on the ledge
Looking in
We’re curious
We’re scared
What’s inside
Could be
So good
It hurts
Could be
Ecstasy
Could be
Pain
We can’t deny
There is something
Between us

Monday, June 20, 2011

Myself


Myself has not been in a very good mood lately.
It’s so bad sometimes that I just want to walk away from myself.
Is that even possible?
To just, get up and leave myself?
It’s just that myself has been acting so weird lately.
Myself gets sad, depressed, and lonely.
Not at all like me.
Myself's downer mood is getting tedious and boring.
I don’t know if I can take myself any longer.
I need to be around positive people, ya know?
If myself doesn’t shape up then, I dunno.
I’ll have to have a talk with myself.
Maybe I can shake myself out of it with my wit and humor.
After all, if I don’t have myself
then what do I have?

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Everyday Strange

Everyday strange
On the Blue line.
A man vomiting on the floor,
the train hadn’t left yet.
A man clipping his fingernails.
A man loudly berating his girlfriend
Because the eggs he packed
in his own bag broke.
A man holding an 80’s style boom box
blaring music on an otherwise quiet train car.
A Black woman yelling at a Mexican man
that he should not be wearing his sunglasses  at night
and, that he should not be in America if he can’t speak English.
A man complaining that there are too many immigrants on the train,
he had a large wrench in his hand.
A man singing “La Bamba” for money.
Various people telling their sad stories,
selling candy and trinkets, begging for money.
The train conductor announcing that someone
smelled like cigarette smoke.
Various kinds of body odor and bad breath.
An older Black man yelling at younger Black boys
that they walk like monkeys with their pants hanging low.
An obnoxious teenager staring at me
and asking me to go to the prom with him.
Everyday strange getting stranger everyday.


We are

First only dark and light
Then stardust and flesh
Making tangible the spark
Coming into being
Knowing joy by way of sorrow
Even joy needs contrast
As misery needs elation.
So light needs dark.
So tedium strikes bliss.
So here we are.


Gastronomic Delight

Why don't I carry a notepad? I get inspired at completely unexpected moments, like now, so I guess I'll write on the back of this bus schedule. I remembered wanting to eat at this somewhat fancy outdoor restaurant at the top of the Albaicyn (gypsy quarter) named El Huerto de Juan Ranas. It was suggested by our school's jefe (the boss) on an excursion through the Albaicyn when we stopped at the "mirador" (lookout point) which overlooks Granada and the Alhambra (a palace built by the Moors). So, here I am, alone. I chose a table in the corner facing the Alhambra not noticing my dinner date would be a strategically placed cactus opposite me, he's a little prickley, but he'll do. As I sip on a galss of sangria I've been given an "aperitivo de la casa" which is a short glass with a home made potato chip, small slice of seared salmon and some tomato soaked barley drisled with olive oil. Delicious. I've ordered my meal and am curious to see what arrives. As I write, I wonder if the staff thinks I might be a food critic and suddenly commits to provide excellent service as I've yet to experience any since my arrival in Spain. Sunset will soon blanket the Alhambra, what a perfect view at a perfect moment in time. The sangria is the best I've tasted. It has a secret ingredient my tongue can't quite place, a sweet liqour of some sort not to mention a generous helping of fruit too. My salad arrives. Lambs lettuce and vinegar it said on the menu but what sits in front of me is much prettier. Baby lettuce, lingonberries, small red flower petals, walnuts and chunk tuna in olive oil, accompanied by a piping hot assortment of bread, yum!  As I wait for my entree I listen to a mixture of birds chirping, mini buses full of tourists passing by, and the soft murmur of the family talking next to me. A small wave of loneliness approaches but I decide to jump over it and watch it difuse into soft bubbles. I order a glass of vino Quinta from Jerez, which I learned in culture class today makes some of the best wine in Spain. When it comes to the table I  swirl the glass, take a sniff, check out the legs and sip. Sweet aroma, somewhat dry tasting white wine, I like it. The sun is almost down and the Sierra Nevadas have turned from brown to muted pinks and purples, up come the lights surrounding the Alhambra for the night tour. My entree, Bacalao confitado con manzana y cebolla carmelizada, is here. Perfectly cooked cod, seasoned just enough, some apple puree on the side accompanied by a bundle of green and purple sprouts and a swirl of green mustard/vinegar sauce. The fish rests on some carmelized onion and sweet red pepper. The plate is garnished with a towering green leaf with deep purple veins, looks like art, tastes like heaven.The city lights are twinkling, the Alhambra is glowing and my tummy is singing a happy tune. I guess I'll ask for the check now, I sense the restaurant is getting busy and I'm sure they'd like my table for more than just one. The sky deepens into indigo  and I notice two stars just above me, one a bright enduring light , the other just a faint glimmer. I wonder how many other people are gazing at these very stars at this very moment and I have one wish for them all, buen provecho! (enjoy your meal!)



I haven't, I have

I haven’t found “the One”
I haven’t made a lot of money
I haven’t given birth
I haven’t fit in
I haven’t been really good at one thing
I haven’t earned a degree, yet
I haven’t owned a home
I haven’t trusted completely
I haven’t felt secure
I haven’t loved with out fear

I have taken a chance
I have been grateful
I have learned a few things
I have hope
I have decided to make a difference
I have made people laugh
I have seen beauty in everyday things
I have grown
I have realized
I have found God in me
I have loved and been loved
I have much more than I haven’t


Two


Trying something new
when I met you.
Hadn’t gambled in a while,
quiet, sweet, not the usual smile.
I felt in control, strangely.
Little did I know,
It was yours all along.
I took a chance and spilled it all.
On the spill I slipped, stumbled, and took a fall.
You took notice and let me know.
Awkward and rosy, I retreated,
feeling all too defeated.
It wasn’t me, it wasn’t you.
Just not time for us to be
Two.

The Fall

The fall could be fatal
or just a bruise.
After the fall
I stand anew.
I hope
I pray
A lesson well learned?
Of course, I say.
It’s not the hurt
of loosing you.
It’s me I’ve lost
That makes me do
those  things
I ought not do.
Afraid to fall
In love.

King

Left too soon,
My king.
Empty throne, without warmth.
Deep green eyes so true,
None fills the place of you.
Weeks to years,
time means nill
without the love
you so openly filled
my heart
that leaks bloody tears
stinging my eyes and cheeks.
Fears I’ll not recover
pours like rain
unforgiving
cleansing
washing away
moonlit days and sun filled nights.
Forever my king shall light
my heart.

It


I met the Devil today
I wasn’t looking for it at all.
It lives in the woods of Hollyway.
It visits us on the screens, big and small.
It gambles on us in the markets and charts.
It tricks us between the sheets and bars.
It waits for us in our minds and hearts.